Everyone I’ve Had Sex With
Blatantly stolen from MEGAN BOYLE at muumuu house, even though mine is way less interesting and isn’t really just about sex anymore and is probably less objective too.
Levi
I was 16, he was 18. We had dated for two months, and then he broke up with me to date a girl named Molly who was in college. About a year later we became best friends. He pretended to be my boyfriend to stop our manager from molesting me. My friends all hated him. I was crazy about him. The first time he told me he loved I think he said ‘I love lamp’ first. We were together for about two years or something. We had very different body types. I am scrawny and boney, he was big and soft. But it still worked. He was very gentle and kind and we were both terrified and shaking all over the first time it happened. I remember the weirdest part was just being naked in front of another naked person. After we broke up, I dreamed about him for years. He has a daughter now.
Lewis
He was my neighbor in the first dorms I lived in at the UW. We were close friends, I was heartbroken and missing Levi but in denial about it. We smoked a lot of weed and ate a lot of mushrooms. He hooked up with this girl that put scratches all down his back. Once when we were on mushrooms we started cuddling and tracing each other’s skin. He was very drunk the first time he kissed me. We always had to be very secretive and quiet about sex, because I had two roommates. He was unimaginative and I didn’t know anything. Whenever we fought he would hit things, but never me. I broke up with him over the phone.
Matt
He was one of my only friends at the UW my last few months there. We cooked pasta together every night and did our laundry and grocery shopping together. One night we got really drunk, I let him sleep in my bed, and we had sex. I said ‘no’ but I also didn’t do anything. He did not use a condom. I spent my grocery money on the Plan B pill from Planned Parenthood. A year later he sent me a message saying he had dreams about me and I should forgive him. I did not respond.
Noah
I had just started dating a boy named John who was very normal and boring (sorry). I hated my life and I hated my school and I really wanted to move somewhere new. Noah was staying at my friend Lauryn’s house for the holidays. I knew the second I met him that I was going to love him. He didn’t drink or smoke. We had a salt eating contest. Kelsey and Noah and I shared the bed in Lauryn’s basement. We stole an awful Christmas wreath from my mom’s house and tied it to Noah’s car. The first time we hung out we went to go see Andrew Jackson Jihad, and he barely said anything but our knees touched. After he went back to Oregon we talked everyday, all day. He told Lauryn that he liked me. Then Lauryn forwarded said incriminating text to me. Then she told Noah, and he asked me about it, and I told him that I obviously liked him back. He called me a farthead. My heart exploded with butterflies. He would send me mixes and things in the mail. He recorded songs about us and sent them to me. We never talked about sex or even made dirty jokes. When I visited Ashland, I decided to move there. Noah drove me down from Seattle. We lived in the same dorm, and then we got a house together with some friends. Then we all moved to a better house. We had great sex, and a lot of it, and in weird places and new ways and it was awesome and I’ve never been so brave or adventurous or happy. Then everything went away, and we became boring and old and loveless. He was so depressed and angry. He went on a trip, and I encouraged him to stay longer because I thought it might make him better. It did, but part of that was breaking up with me. He called me from a festival and we broke up over the phone. I knew it has going to happen, but I still wasn’t ready. I completely fell apart. He came home and I picked him up from the airport. He packed up his things and moved into the dorms. We continued having sex. It almost killed me. After the last time we had sex, he left his computer open on the bed and left the room. I read his email. He had emails from craigslist for an ad he had posted asking for anonymous sex. I confronted him, and he lied. Then he told the truth. Other bad things happened. We don’t talk. He’s still a big part of who I am.
Luke
We were good friends. Once I told him he was my best friend, and he said he wasn’t. We did everything together and hung out everyday and had good adventures and built sheet forts and drank a lot of hot chocolate and he read stories to me. I slept on his floor, and he’d sleep on the floor next to me. I told him I liked him. He told me he liked me. We kissed in his bed one night and then he tried to have sex with me. But we didn’t because we didn’t have condoms. Then he got very strange and cried and said he was no good. Weeks later, it happened again and we had sex. It was his first time. It was awful. We didn’t love each other, and he didn’t know what he was doing. I was scared and he felt so guilty and he never held me after. On the fourth of July we set off fireworks in the courtyard of the art buildings and he kissed me and held me. I loved sleeping next to him. He told me he didn’t want to have sex anymore. We stayed friends. We were not good friends. I started to have feelings for him, and he stopped having feelings for me. He was never around when I needed him. He could never have been the person I wanted him to be. But then he moved away and we stayed friends, and I felt better and closer to him and we were nicer. He stopped to visit me in Seattle, and I hugged him and he felt like home. And then after Christmas someone posted a picture of him I took dancing next to one of our sheetforts, and that’s how I found out he had a girlfriend. I fell apart. I told him I loved him. He told me he didn’t love her and a bunch of other things that probably aren’t true. We don’t talk. It all feels awful and gross.
Age at first time: 16 years
Age at present: 23 years
Total penetrative sex partners: 5
Total oral sex partners: 3
Total official relationships: 5
Total ambiguous relationships: 2
Total one night stands: 0
Total partners I’ve said “I love you” to: 3
Total partners who have said “I love you” to me: 3
Alcohol involved in first sexual encounter: 1
Marijuana involved in first sexual encounter: 0
Total STD’s: 0 Total pregnancies: 0
What I felt after completing the list: Sad. because some of this is still pretty recent, but also I’m happy that it’s done and all on a page. It’s like how so much of this hurt so badly at the time but I still got through it to have some amazing times too, so whatever I’m feeling now could pass like that. And it’s a good feeling to know that these people influenced who I am, even if they aren’t in my life anymore they’re still around in that way. I don’t regret any of my choices, but I wish I was a tougher person. It’s good to have some perspective.
